Raw Humour

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
> The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in
> the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
>
>
> Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'
> He slams the door and returns to bed.
>
> 'Who was that?' asked his wife.
>
> 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
>
> 'Did you help him?' she asks.
>
> 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out
> there!'
>
> 'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about
> three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think
> you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
>
> The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
> rain.
>
> He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'
>
> 'Yes,' comes back the answer.
>
> 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
>
>
> 'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
>
>
> 'Where are you?' asks the husband.
>
>
> 'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.

My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in it's ears once a month.

The lady went to the drug store and got some 'Nair' hair remover. At the register, the druggist told her, 'If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days.'

The lady said, 'I'm not using it under my arms.'

The druggist said 'If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days.'

The lady said, 'I'm not using it on my legs either; and if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.'

The druggist said, 'Stay off your bicycle for a week'