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Posts archive for: 23 July, 2009

  • Ann Summers Visit

    by RobertRaw Pro @ 2009-07-23 – 22:01:43

    A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.
    He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
    He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
    He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
    Upstairs the wife thinks
    'I have an idea, it's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked - return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
    So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
    The husband says 'Stone me it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
    His funeral is this Thursday.
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  • Ten Husbands

    by RobertRaw Pro @ 2009-07-23 – 16:13:51

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

    "What?" said the puzzled groom.

    "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

    "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

    "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

    "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

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  • Mathematics

    by RobertRaw Pro @ 2009-07-23 – 16:07:48

    A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

    "Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

    When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

    "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

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