> > CHEWING GUM!
> >
> >
> > An Australian man was having a coffee and
> > croissants with butter and jam in a cafe
> > when an American tourist, chewing gum,
> > sat down next to him.
> >
> >
> > The Australian politely ignored the American,
> > who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
> >
> >
> > The American snapped his gum and said,
> > 'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?'
> >
> >
> > The Australian frowned, annoyed with being
> > bothered during his breakfast, and replied,
> > 'of course.'
> >
> >
> > The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't.
> > In the States, we only eat what's inside.
> > The crusts we collect in a container,
> > recycle them, transform them into
> > croissants and sell them to Australia .'
> >
> >
> > The American had a smirk on his face.
> > The Australian listened in silence.
> >
> >
> > The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with
> > your bread?' Sighing, the Australian
> > replied, 'of course.'
> >
> >
> > Cracking his gum between his teeth, the
> > American said, 'we don't. In the States,
> > we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we
> > put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers
> > in containers, recycle them, transform them
> > into jam and sell it to Australia ..
> >
> > The Australian then asked, 'Do you have sex
> > in the States?' The American smiled and said
> > 'Why of course we do.' The Australian leaned
> > closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do
> > with the condoms once you've used them?'
> >
> > 'We throw them away, of course!'
> >
> > Now it was the Australians turn to smile.
> >
> > 'We don't. In Australia , we put them in a
> > container, recycle them, melt them down
> > into chewing gum and sell them to the
> > United States .
> > Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'?
****
Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband shouted , 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'
' Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband.
'I'd do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you
still believe in genies?'
****
