Keith Floyds Cremation is next Wednesday

Gas mark 6 for 2 hours !

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A dustman knocks on a japanese mans door
The jap says
'Harro, wot u want '
Dustman asks
'Wheres your bin?'
'I bin on Loo' says the Jap
'No mate, wheres your dustbin?'
'I dust bin on loo!!!' says the jap
'No No mate..Wheres your wheelie bin ?'

'Hokay..I wheelie bin havin a wank'

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What do you get if you cross a Cock and a leech ?

A cocksucker!

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Walked past a beggar yesterday.
he said' any change mate ? '
I said  ' No...I still got a big house and a nice car'

**

Two nuns are sitting in traffic waiting for the lights to change
When suddenly a vampire appears in front of them
'Oh sister...what shall we do?' says the younger Nun
'Do Not worry child.....show him your cross'
The younger Nun winds the window down and yells
'......Fuck off!..You little cunt!' 

****

Woman goes to the doc and says
'I have a bad discharge'
Doc says 'OK Take your knickers off''
Then puts his finger in her fanny
'How does that feel?' he asks
'very nice' says the woman
'But the discharge is in my ear'

******

Someone sent me a text message the other day
All it said was A.G.N.B........
I thought irt was bang out of order!

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7 Englishmen and 1 Irish man  in a rape line up
The victim walks in
Paddy steps forward and shouts
'Thats her! The ungrateful fat bitch!'

***
Old Chinese proverb says
Man who walks through door sideways with erection
Is always going to bangkok.

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