I 've got Gammon Flu!
I had Swine flu until I went to hospital and they Cured it!

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An RAF Pilot is flying over Afghanistan when he notices a flying carpet on each side of his jet
Both with a gunner on board
Sensing danger he shot them both down
When he returns to base he is summoned to HQ
where he gets a right rollicking
Apparently
they were allied carpets!

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Ann Summers has come up with an easy guide to complete sexual joy
It explores the clitoris, The G spot,
and even shows the male where they are
' TWATNAV '
will be in their shops by Christmas!

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A man who hasnt had an erection for ages decides to try a method
hes's read about in an old book
It involves placing his finger in a womans vagina
then rubbing it around his nose.
So that night when his wifes asleep
he dips his finger in her fanny, feels how wet and nice it is
then rubs it around his nose
Instant erection !!
He wakes his wife and says  ' Look at this! '
She replies
' You woke me up to tell me you've got a nosebleed ? '

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A man shagging his new girlfriend
notices a photo of another man next to her bed
He asks...'Is that your hubby ?'
'NO' she replies
'An old boyfriend ?'
'NO silly! ' she says
'Dad or brother ? '
'NO ! NO! ' she answers
'WELL WHO THE FUCK IS IT !!!!' he shouts
She replied
'ME !     6 months ago! '

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